i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
