The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
