Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize