omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
