ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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