You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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