Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize