No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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