drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
