2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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