I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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