Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
