a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
