I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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