Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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