I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
