She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
