dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
and you fell through a lawn chair
A+ Viking dick
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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