you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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