dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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