I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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