In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
