Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
