WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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