all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
