I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
