Dignity is for republicans.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
