How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
