Whatcha textin bout Willis?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
