Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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