I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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