WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
