nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
