highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
