Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
