Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
