I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
