is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize