My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
