Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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