we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize