You can't special order awesome
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
