Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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