kristin has been a bad kristin
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
