That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
