I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
