Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
