And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
