other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
