Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
