I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
