11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
