How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
