you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
