Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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