this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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