How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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