i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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