My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this will be a night to untag.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
