We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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