We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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