Everything about him screamed your future.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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