the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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