wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
