Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
