my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
