Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You were trust falling into bushes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
