The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
