I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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