I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
